I don't know what I'm feeling, if it's a kind of a beginning of depression or if it's just something I created from my mind and heart, the truth is that I'm not feeling well.
I hope these things get better soon because many things are happening in my wedding. I don't know any more how to know who is wrong and who is right, I just recognize that I'm blamed for many things.
It's after midnight right now and I just arrived from the preparatory course I'm doing in downtown and, in my opinion, since I've started this course many things changed to bad.
I know I mistaked and I have no more rights to ask forgiveness, anyway, I'm really disapointed with myself. I wish the things I say wasn't understood as promises, also because I don't use this word because it's a strong one. But... I understand that when you give your word it's almost the same like a promise, but I think I have to be clearer, I have to say "I will try" to don't hurt the ones I love but if I wore in their places and understood myself like they did I also would be mad with that.
Ai, ai, ai...
After many nice moments I'm dueling with some troubles in my life. The fact of don't have a job anymore is something terrible. I never fought that my job wasn't bad enough that if I could I think I would be back there to keep working because now my pets are depending on the other people here because the salary I'm facing in is something too few.
I don't want that people feel pitty on me, I just want to be also understood and that I'm not trying to find answers or sorries to my faults. I'm big enough to know that I mistaked and big enough to also accept the bad things that come with the wrong things we do.
I wish I had more moments like this, at least they help me a lot to forget about the bad things and make me want to keep fighting for the things I want.
