HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy 2007 to everyone in world. I know in some places it's already a new year but here we need 1 right hour to it happen if we count in the summer time as we are, but in the normal time I wish you "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" :) I wish everyone blessed new days with peace, love, compassion and happiness.

My plans are a little changed this night but it was a good day too. I want to wish my love a good night there and I hope he is fine today. I love you, Rabie.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is new year's eve party and my aunt Simone called us to eat in her house but we have no right time to leave because she will work on monday. I'm planning to back early from there but when I went to my aunt's house yesterday and my uncle said he doesn't want we back early from there, he said he needs us untill midnight there but I don't think I will be there, I don't want these plans for me. As I said I want to spend at home. No one will find me tomorrow, maybe online Rabie if he finds a computer, what's a little hard in Moroccan cybers in important days. I will try to be free from them early and I hope to also find Rabie here.

Saddam Hussein's death

Today, first day of eid, Saddam was hanged. Is it a new life for the Iraqi people or just a bad dream they will live again in hands of someone new? Hard.

Talking about the babies, they will say good bye to me on thursday. I'm feeling a little sad from now but I knew they would have to go soon or late. They will go to a place of dogs' care and there they will give them to other people who want to adopte a dog. I didn't want the things were like this but I wish them good luck as other dogs had. I'm praying for them. I love them. I will miss them.

My babies

My babies sleeping.





Playing with us without look at the camera. All they wanted to do was play and move.

Eating their bone.

Disturbing Laika and Junior.

My brother with them.



Tired.

Iena this time looked at the camera, he is my model.

See what they did with their little house...





Playing.

Lelinha.
By Camila.

Crime in Rio de Janeiro

Something I forgot posting for today.

It was a day full of crimes and deathes. The thieves said they were doing this against Rio's ex-governators' state. They burned buses, killed people and were changing shoots with the police.

Though near my house we were having problems, no car or buses were passing, the roads were closed and the thieves also shooted in the cabines of the police.

It's supposed to continue tomorrow because they are still angry and I don't think that the police could finish their actions only today. By the way, I will try to write news if I can or if there is one.

Today I want to write. I don't find anything better to do. My mind is full of thoughts and I wanted to do other things now but I can't because it's late today and things like play football or be in the street to do something else I can't do because of the time so I just played with my kids (the little dogs) and I'm watching "Mais que uma família" (more than a family - in the translation but I don't know if the original name in English is this). I like it.

I will stop disturbing for today.

I don't like this life a lot, sometimes I prefer to be far from here and live in another place, not in this country. I don't want anyone near me nowadays. I want to be far from me.

I don't want a life near anyone, I want to be alone, live alone, have my life alone. I know sometimes the things change and we lose a little the control.

All I want to say is shit shit shit shit million times shit.
It's to throw out the things I feel sometimes.

I didn't want to make this post long also because I don't have anything to say or talk about but I would be glad if no one ask me what's happening or why these words because I don't want to say anything to anyone, without exceptions, ok?

If be "adult" in the real meaning of the word means something so important, I'm sorry, I don't think it changes something, all it teached me was to RESPECT the ones around me, to be adult inside myself and if my presence is so bad like this sometimes I think it's better take a time to rest far from everyone or maybe try my luck far from the people who want FREEDOM. Two words I care about but two words that have different meanings to the ones who talk about them.

Do you know? I will tell you something, people, no Brazilian is a good person, sorry if you think a Brazilian is someone nice or if you talk to one of them here and think they are nice, they aren't. I'm including myself in this too. Sometimes the Brazilian people don't lie, but it's like everywhere, sometimes they do and sometimes they not, but don't be thinking that the people you find here in Brazil or the people you find by net is good, be carefull with them because we are a really bad people.

It's just a simple warning that you must care about.

I'm thinking about do things like study or make new friends or do exercises or do something to busy my mind because as they say "idle mind is devil's workshop" or something like this in English. Ah... something I have to add about the topic above: Brazilian women are just backs shaking as you see in carnival and Brazilian men means NO RESPECT to anyone.

Today there is nothing good to do but I need something soon to busy my time. I have to say sorry for someone because I will have to talk to him later. I won't stop the things but there are things between us that I will want to talk to him. Don't think I will change something, but I will just explain more the things.

Please, marking more this thing, I don't want someone ask me about what's happening or not. I don't want to talk about anything and more, if someone want to hide something from me it's o.k. because I won't say anything. There are things in this life we don't need to share and they are only personal things, things that we are shame of.

I wish everyone good times but remember that the life is just this one and if you can, pay attention at the things and at the people around you because they will make you and help you in your life.

Once a friend wrote in his status: YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICES AND YOUR CHOICES MAKE YOU.

New year is near.

Everything is going well here and I'm enjoying the part of the year that I like most, the end. Not because we are ready to start a new year, this time I'm not carring a lot for wish things to the next year, I will let the things happen and then see how to deal with them. However, I like the end of the year because of Christmas and because it's a time I can spend more hours and days with my father and my mother though they don't be near each other never. It's a good and bad point in the same time, but let it like this.

I'm excited with the new life I'm near to have because there is too much thing that will change, ones to better and ones to worse. I think it's better stop trying to guess the future and let it come.

Today I'm really watching new movies in Rotana Tv, they are nice but would be better if I understood them.
About my life, it's going well, but my happiness is with the ones around me and with my dogs. Today I also laughed a little with my brother, he was playing video game and me watching.
Tomorrow I will go to downtown early with my father and my brother because we will buy something there and I will go to the company to fix my work card situation.

I will have to resolve the thing about my work card in another week because these days, in reason of christmas, no one wants to work or when they work they work half time, only. It was what I found today.
My finger is still bad from before yesterday, sometimes I'm not using the accessory to stop it because of the summer and because all the time we have to touch the water, but right now I'm wearing it.

I will have to resolve the thing about my work card in another week because these days, in reason of christmas, no one wants to work or when they work they work half time, only. It was what I found today.
My finger is still bad from before yesterday, sometimes I'm not using the accessory to stop it because of the summer and because all the time we have to touch the water, but right now I'm wearing it.

My mother is back

Well, I have good news. My mother is back from the hospital, thank you all for the prayers and good wishes.

Rat

My rat, Zé Poeira, is dead. Today, when I came from the hospital after visiting my mother I found him dead. I tried to care about him these days while he was so sick but he didn't resist.

About my mother, she is getting better but I want you keep praying for her. I thank everyone who is carring about this, really thank you a lot.

My mother is in the hospital

Yesterday night we knew about the bad new of these days: my mother will have to be in the hospital for some days.

She took an injection because of the hospital rules. Every worker of a hospital has to take all the necessary injections to keep working there. She did it. But as last time, this injection made bad to her. Her arm isn't moving well and in the place of the application its red, big and hot. We thought it was only alergy about the medication contained in those two injections but yesterday, one day after she takes the injection the things got worse and her fever was so big. She went to her doctor and the woman said she was going to need a treatment and would have to be in the hospital.

She called me and after that she came home to take some clothes because we didn't know in exact how much time she needed to be in the hospital. Yesterday night she went to the hospital and talked to us by phone before we sleep.

It's friday today, I talked to my mother in the morning and I heard what left me really down but something that I accept if it's to let she fine. She will have to be there for 7 days. I will try to visit her tomorrow as my grandmother promissed me to take me there. I will take more other clothes to my mother and bring back with me the ones she is using there. I wished she could come back home before of this time but want the best for her, so if the 7 days are really necessary to her recuperation I agree.

Pray for her, please.

My mother passed to a period of training in a hospital in Campo Grande, only 15 min far from my home. It's good because she will receive some money too. In her current training period she isn't receiving anything to work but now she will.

I'm praying for everyone, I'm happy for my life and for the people and things around me.

Today I went to the university to make my admission. Well, I just did the test but I will have to make other things other days and I only brought the prices to my grandmother and my father analise it. They did and decided to share the price to me study. I hope this time the things keep well and I hope I like what I will study.

Another thing... I'm only waiting for the confirmation paper from the concurse and I will check when it will be the test. I will try to study a little more to prepare myself better to the exam.

That's all, I think.

Confessions Tour - Madonna : Isaac

A tour in London to show the new album Confessions on a dance floor and the song I really like a lot, Isaac. The show is a little different from the original song recorded in the CD but you can see how nice it is. Madonna singing Isaac.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RABIE, MY LOVE!!!!!!

There is something I wanted to say...
Maybe he thought I forgot to post something about him too but I didn't forget.
Yesterday, december 8th, was my lover's birthday and here is the tribute to him.
He means more than he thinks, he is wonderful and always try and is the best one for me. I love him and I'm here because I'm proud about him. He is the big reason of my happiness.
I can't say everything he means to me only by words but I think he has idea about what I feel when I'm with him. I'm happy to be with you, Rabie, you make me feel perfect beside you and you are much more than I could ask to have someday.
I thank you for being with me all this time.
I love you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Holly Dolly - Dolly Song (Ieva's Polka)

So funny!

Another test

I could made the inscription for the concurse, now I will see if my father will really pay it, if he does it's good.
I don't know, I studied for this test but I'm not sure if I can pass or not but I will try and, well... I tried. So, though I don't be aproved I won't regret saying I didn't try.

Dalila was found!

I'm feeling well to write again. Dalila, my aunt Flávia's dog was found today.
There was a painter painting my aunt's house and on saturday, in the time to leave, he left the door opened and the dog escaped. We looked for her around all the neighborhood. She is pregnant and we were worried about her also because my aunt liked her. Today someone who lives in the house in front of aunt's house, told my grandmother that someone was with the dog and in the afternoon we went to check it. There they sent us to another house where the woman said. We waited some hours untill the house's owner comes. He gave her back to us. We are so happy!
There is something good, he was carring well about Dalila, dog's food and water to her. Thank to everyone.

My kids

Amarelinha or "Lelinha" for us decided to be sleeping in the chair. Don't worry about the mess you see near her but those things are there because they want to be near Laika and Junior but they can't. We have reasons.

Braquinha looking at the camera. She doesn't speak and doesn't listen well. She has problems hehe! But she is so sweety!

Pretinho didn't get bigger. The others are big and being fat like monsters but him, poor of him, he is always small, I think it's something normal from him.

Patinha, the biggest one. He is a little slow. A good baby, but the others are clever than him. He has size but no mind.

This one looks like Patinha but he is just like a twin brother. He has some different things and his name is Iena. I just could take this pic of him because he was sleeping with the others. Yesterday when I tried while I was taking their pics he didnt allow me take a pic of him because he was jumping a lot. He is superactive.

Branquinha was the only one that appeared in the pic now because she is white and though they are sleeping in the dark she can appear.
By Camila.

The first job I got and the first one I left

I started my first job on wednesday 22 and left it today on sunday. I wasn't standing anymore, it wasn't a wished thing from my heart, I was doing that because of the people I love and make part of me. But, I gave up.
There are many things I wanted to write now but I will let this to another time.

My first white hair!

People, I'm really happy for today, maybe I regret this someday of my life but it's wonderful now. I was in the lake with my father and his friends when the woman said "wait, let me take something from your hair..." and tchan! I saw: my first white hair!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha! It's nice to have them on my 18 years old when my aunt had them on hers 15.

On wednesday I will start my job, I hope I like it and be successful to help my family.

I woke up happy today and did many things and also at 8h30 I was playing football alone and training shoots. I just want to say I'm very fine and the things are going well too. Lelé's baby are playing with me now and they are trying to walk but it's still hard for them.

Rabie, I left the song in my multiply, it's in the same file you putted the berber song there, now you can listen. Love you.

Nice night today...

I'm alone here in my living room, my brother is taking his shower and my mother isn't at home. I have no one to talk so I decided posting to feel better because I'm feeling stressed.

I'm watching TV and listening about Aljazeera TV with new offices, one in Caracas, Venezuela and another in Buenos Aires, Argentine. It's good in my opinion.

And, talking about Buenos Aires, nmy aunt said she is going there next year to make a course and it's something really good to hear when I feel that my trial about a job was failed and I have no money to be out of this country. I wanted to travel some where or just have some money to do something for me and travel to another state here but not be stucked at home as ever. I know I have to work hard to get what I want but there are other things worring me like this Christmas, that I won't have it this year and personally, it's one of the things I like most as New Year's Eve.

I really wanted to send everyone to hell but I know no one is guilt for my own problems. It would bea question of "say to feel better", not to really mean that. In truth, from my heart, I want to wish you a really blessed night today.

Zinedine Zidane - the best

Check this site and tell me if you wouldn't like to have a father or a husband like him.

http://www.zidane.com.over-blog.com/

Some people are agaisnt him but I'm pro him. He is respectable, loves his family and even his angry way sometimes he didn't do if there wasn't a good reason. In football or in life Zinedine is the best.

I'm with you, Zizou!

They are getting big.

Cold weather

This week was very cold. About 16°C everyday everywhere around here.

I know I didn't post anything from sometime ago but I have been busy with the little pets and working with my grandmother. I also have been busy with other things but I won't talk about this right now, I'll wait everything be really right to tell it later.

Today is a nice day, it's my cousin Gisele's birthday. She is my doctor and cousin and I like her so much but I won't post pictures of her here because I haven't one.

Now, forgive me, but it's lunch time and after that, even raining a lot like it's now, I'll have to go to work with my grandmother because she asked me help today. I'm full of headache but I'll try to dothe possible with her untill Rabie comes here and also because I'm freezing with this weather.

I've been only working and working these days to busy my mind. Nothing is making me feel really satisfied. Tomorrow I'll probably go to Madureira with my grandmother to help her to buy things she's needing. I don't know how to walk there but I'll go. I'm still the bad one I always was and it's torturing me inside though I feel inside my heart and mind the things are getting better and fixed. I was only needing some days to organize the things.

Death

Today is a sad day. I lost him today in the morning 8h30. The veterinarians called us saying he didn't resist. I'm feeling finished. We will always love you Macaquinho. God bless you.

Continuo muito doente, esse resfriado não quer me deixar de forma alguma. Estamos tendo sempre muitas coisas para fazer em casa mas mesmo assim a minha mente continua ligada me fazendo refletir sobre o que aconteceu. Tudo está meio confuso, estranho. Sem amigos para dividir as coisas, sem vontade de falar ou se quer mencionar algo referente à minha vida.

Um tempo? Bem que às vezes as pessoas se perguntam e/ou ficam nervosas e deprimidas quando isso acontece. Difícil é encarar os fatos e entender que está sendo deixada (o) de lado por alguma coisa que eu pessoalmente julgaria "banal" mas já qie na vida tudo se conquista com paciência e empenho vamos esperar para ver o que acontece. Não tenho motivos para olhar somente os pontos negativo de toda a história pois tudo se baseia em "fatos"! Também errei bastante e aí está o preço. Não posso negar que queria ter alguém para quem contar essas coisas, agora, e mesmo tendo amigos e vontade de contar não sei se o faria.

Mais paciência, tempo e esperança é tudo que me resta porque o resto já foi tirado de mim. Espero que a palavra "tempo" seja usada novamente só em casos em que não represente dor a uma pessoa.

I sent today an e-mail I had to had sent before but the e-mail notified me that the address weren't working.

I had never felt how I had made the others feel before but now I understand. Sentence without meaning for you? Yeah, hmm... can be.

I know I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm boring. I know all that. And today I heard it again from my father. But why try to make myself better if there isn't a propose? Life is hard to understand and hard to live.

Yesterday someone asked me what's love and for the first time in my life I didn't want to answer to that question, I couldn't and I didn't want. There is a reason for everything in this life but no one needs to understand me or stop all the world to give attention to my tears or my complains. And I thought, if no one needs to understand me why use the universal language to express my feelings or life? I will think about what I will really do.

Happy birthday, Dad!

Today, October 26, 2006, is my father's 41 years old birthday. We had a lunch with him and it was delicious. He liked the present we bought him, it's good.
Just stopping to wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The pets.

It's a torture...

The little one. I don't know why but he didn't get the same size of his brothers and sisters, he looks like a puppy of 1 month-old.

Amarelinha is walking...

Can you see Iena hidding?

The big Patinha thinking what he can do to disturb Laika.

There is Amarelinha having a nice talk to Iena but I think he isn't listening to her.

Now you can see the back of Branquinha - the white one - and the back of Pretinho - the black one. They were messing something near my feet and they weren't carring to the camera.



Pretinho is looking for you! Look at him in the shadow. I know you can't see his eyes but he is looking, believe me.

Amarelinha near Juninho (the one in red).

Macaquinho crying beause I didn't let the door opened.

Branquinha again.





If you look well you will find 3 little kids. Look well. Let's play!

By Camila.

Making part of the team

From a long time there is no new here and now I'm writing. The little dogs are getting fine, thank God! We have been carring about them and they are getting better, soon we can look for owners to them.

You don't know but now I make part of a female soccer team. It's called Team Chicago Brasil. Strange name to a Brazilian team, isn't it? Yes, I agree with you, but this team has another one in USA in Chicago. They have the same name but the one from here has Brasil to make us different from there though we are directly connected to them in US. I'm happy to make part of the team. They are really nice and yesterday was my first day there with them in the training. Happly, I made a goal. It was so nice. I played in all the postes and I think I wasn't so bad but I'm still without a good physic prepare.

It's my news. I will think about taking pictures of the little pets and post here. Now they are big and smart but are still a little ugly because they were sick and just now, after getting better, they are having their hair again.

Sad

I'm trying to fix my mind. I'm feelling broken. My heart isn't beating as well. I don't mean I'm ill, I'm just feeling mad. Sometimes I don't understand why the things happen or have to be like this.

I have a such big love that I'm not having opportunities to show. I know the time and the things aren't helping. I feel guilt for this but I can't understand what I can do change this sad reallity. Sometimes I wish I could have the one I love beside me but maybe it's not the time for that. The documents, the calls or other things else aren't changing our emotions.

I know I'm being like a dead one near him, less smily and careless about him and his feelings. All I'm doing is making the things get worse than they are. When I'm receiving sad words... I think better stop here but I won't blame him for anything because I know the reasons that are changing us. I just want he knows he makes me the happiest one in this world and if the things aren't helping me to show him the love I feel for him, I will try to full this lack of me the times we be together, just he and me.

For me, the most important new of this week is that on Saturday night I found 6 little pets in the rain and cold weather outside in my street. Someone from some blocks near here just left them in a market bag and left. The boys told me how that happened and that it was in the lunch time.

I got them with my brother and we brought them home to care of them and give them some food because they are less than 2 months-old. So, they are living in our home untill today. We gave them the right medication to get better of their illnesses and when they get better we will give them.

They are happy because they are also sleeping near Laika (my female dog) and they think she is their mother. She is carring about them but they are making she tired. Junior (my male dog) is feeling lonely because we have to put him to sleep alone in another part of the house.

Well, I'm really loving the 'babies'.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Now, talking about Brazil... after wins Kwait's national team for 3X0, yesterday we won Equador for 2x1. Poor Ronaldinho, he tried twice to make a goal but nothing helped him. I wish he could make those goals because from a long time he is fasting from goals in for the national team.

About Kwait... hehehe, I think they didn't want or didn't know how to play soccer because they were LOST in the field but I enjoied all the match just listening and reading the Arabic names. I'm crazy but that's me.

Autobiography.

I will start from my born.

I was a wished baby. My parents desired me. After many trials, there was me, a healthy child that brought happiness to all the family. The first baby of my parents and the first grandchild to both grandparents.

I grew up, went to school and used to be successful in my studies. I always liked to take my own decision and keep my feelings only for me, deep inside me. It was what made me a close teenager in the future and different from the other people.

On my six years old my life changed and started to be shared with a little new one. My brother was born and I can’t lie, he’s the most precious gift I received in all my life since the first time I saw him and knew I was the first person to take him in my arms after he was born (of course my mother was the first, but I was after her).

We aren’t kid forever. There is a time that our body, mind and feelings change. We get vulnerable at every word we listen or at every step we think about taking.

I’m normal, human. And at that time, besides all that, I got interested on boys. But I really thank I never had been in love with someone I had been with.

Growing up and noticing that I wasn’t and never had been a beautiful girl I think I was accepting my way to be. Though I wasn’t the most beautiful or the most intelligent I had my skills and qualities. I was always the best player in every sport, the hardest one in my decisions and had a strong personality.

The years got passed and I had forgotten and given up of trying to have a boyfriend but my friends at school assure to remind me of that always.

Within the time I got a little more opened to talks and felt it was also time to say my hidden feelings, the things even I was so sad I didn’t use to share. I found a really big friend then. She turned my life upside down and I felt I was happy, as I had never been before.

One month before completing 16 yeas old my best friend and I went out to a disco at night. It was my first time going out like that. After my parents’ separation in the year before, our lives seemed dead lives, and that day we were ready to make a new beginning. So we did.

At that same night I couldn’t take my eyes out of someone that attracted me. However, I kept my quiet way. No one could know that inside me I wanted to feel a man near. Not friends, but someone who could get near me, give me kind (even it was for a while), and although I wasn’t beautiful he didn’t need to remind me of that.

After I get what I wanted with the one I looked at all the night, I got happy. I felt free and comfortable. I was like a common girl, I had kissed someone and I could feel really self confident with my conquest.

I finally woke up for my life. No father was there to control me or tell me what to do or not. No one to stop on my way.

Mom, my friends and I used to go out to discos every free weekend we had without had to study for tests at school. Happily, the few chances I had to go out with them I could enjoy in the maximum and feel like a real young person of my age. I didn’t need to do sex with anyone to get my happiness, I reached it because I had never felt wanted like that for the people around me in my life. I had friends. I had a family.

The last year at school came and all the parties was over because of that busy time. I was still having faithful friends but they were sharing their were sharing their time among their families, their friends, their boyfriends and me. So, a Halloween party at school came and I decided to meet a Moroccan boy who was living here. He just got my phone number and we were talking on the phone everyday for about one week until the party’s day.

I didn’t know and I couldn’t imagine I would date someone just in the first meeting but my best friend made that happen to me. Wow, I was dating! My first boyfriend! Yes, illusion. I dated him for four months but I broke up with him because he wasn’t the one I wanted, I wasn’t in love with him. It wasn’t fair stay with someone in that way. I would be bad keep lying on him that I felt something good near him.

The life continues and I have to look in front. I went out more some days and met some guys in these few times. I tried to back to my routine or going out because that used to make me feel nice and I tried to forget my best friend because she said she wanted me far just because of the fact I was who I am.

Well, those things didn’t affect me at all. Even I went out with some guys I didn’t date anyone of them. In truth no one of them made me feel passionate. I wanted someone as I had loved before, someone as a virtual man that once I really loved but who disappointed me a lot and that’s why I didn’t want him anymore.

There wasn’t anyone like him or better than him to me allow to stay with me. I followed my journey alone as ever, then.

Happily, God made me meet someone when I was needing help, kind and comprehension. Fate’s irony… I don’t know. But there was another Moroccan man coming into my live without I choose that. He became a big wonderful friend when I needed to share my life with someone, when I had to have another surgery made, when something really bad happened to someone so beloved and so close to me, when my phone didn’t use to ring anymore.

Everywhere I looked at, he was there to full me. My heart was hurt to let me be able to allow myself to like or love someone again. But some parts of our lives are already written. I got completely in love with him and despites I want to forget my past and start counting my life from zero from the first moment I knew him, I know my past is a part of me. A part that made me happy when it happened but that makes no difference for me now.

I will just let my life takes my future and me just owns to God, my choices and me.

That’s my life.

Matheus' 12 years old's party

Matheus' birthday party.

Playing pool.

Aunt Simone (in black), mom, Gisele and Paulo.

Romulo, Lucas and Matheus.

My father and my aunt Flavia.

Matheus.



12 years old...



Matheus and me.
By Camila.