My blog makes me feel fine, specialy because it's a kind of diary. I can say things that release me and even it's public no one will understand, also because no one will read it.

For news, 2 days after Glório's death I bought a new rabbit because I couldn't stand my house without it, and later I'm going to present it with my newest but old dog, Duke, which I didn't take a pic yet but I will do. I'm having Duke, I'm not wrong, since august, but I will check.

God bless you, Glório. 02/dez/2008 - 04/dez/2010

 Here I say so sorry in case if I was the blamed for something what happened to you, Glório, but everyone knows that I would NEVER ever mean to hurt you, and you know the love I feel for you.

You are unforgatable and you will be always on our hearts.

I don't know too much what to say in this ocasion but I know that if I had to live the 2 past years again when you were with us I would do without regret a moment. I remember the time I ran after you in the park when you were free in the grass and were so happy that you didn't stop running and jumping to back home. I remember the first day you came that Amarelinha was sucking your ear in the living room and you shoutted and made we run and laugh with that. The times you wanted to make sex with Mim and she was running from you or playing with you. And, there will always be the marks of your bites on the walls, on the cables of the batteries and on the woods of the table and chairs in the kitchen.

You are and will be always the only one.

You are, Glório. WE LOVE YOU!

02 de dezembro de 2008 - 04 de dezembro de 2010.

My november 1st...

Well, it had everything to be a day like any other if it wasn't the fact that I had to take the car to the Detran for the anual check up, what we call here of vistoria, and for the fact that my mother went to clean the street and left the door a little opened and didn't see when 3 of my dogs went out.

She went to try to bring them back but she got just Princesa and Negão, but when she tried to catch Bidu he ran from her and went to the avenue near where we live. So, I wasn't at home to avoid this moment and catch Bidu just right when he ran away.

After I come back home worring the worst I was praying in my mind for someone in the neighbor see him anywere but everywhere I looked, everywhere I went, everyone I talked to, they had no information about my dog or any similar dog. We looked for 4 hours and nothing. After that I told my mother that the last place I would look for Bidu where in Buses' Garages which are in the avenue Sta. Cruz and which are in front of house.

We were coming back home after take Pretinho to help us to find Bidu in the streets when my drunk neighbor said that near the lunch time (when Bidu scaped) he saw a dog looking like him near to cause an accident in the avenue when we was going to work, and we asked if he had saw it in his back to home but he said he would. Then the hunt was almost in the end, it was missing only the garages as the last places, specially after calling the veterinary clinic here asking if they had the arrived of a non-named yellow dog there in that afternoon and having the negative answer.

So, my mother went to one and me to another bus' garage, when I was coming closer and was talking loud to myself "where do I go first?" and he heard me and ran to me shaking his tail, what me me shout his name and kiss him inside the garage company. This was a happy end and something I don't want to happen again.

Before anything I thank God for this chance and oportunity to find him again and more, for he keep healthy and for making my heart rest again, because without one of my dogs and my family I'm nothing.

I don't understand why I'm someone always confused about life. I don't know if I had too many examples but I know that I can make the things different, but it's hard, so hard that I don't even know what I want to my future or who I'm going to be in the future. I just live one day after the other without plan something.

You know, I feel I'm someone terrible, I'm someone that doesn't deserve a thing because my husband works a lot at different times each week and he doesn't even complain about it even that we all know that he is dead inside and so tired that he can't even do the things that would make him happy. He plans and he does for us 4, not only for a couple, but to the whole family and I feel so proud of him that I can't explain how much, but about me, I'm always the opposite.

I wanted to be different, I want to change, but everytime I try I can't go futher, I can't go foward and it kills me. There are many things in my mind which make me so frustated and make me stop, make me give up. I like studying, but why study if I'm not going to work later and support my family?

I wanted to understand what is happening with me.

Great that now I have a new blog and my own computer.
Does anyone have a job for me?

Well, just read it.

I'm here, doing something I wouldn't like to do but unhapply we must find solution to our problems and that's what I'm doing here.

I would never want to be here asking help of anyone but currently I'm without a job and I have my animals to care about. I know it's hard and too much people must be asking "why does she have too many animals?". The answer is that I have adopted them when they were throw by others who didn't have heart to find another owner to them, another home, or just someone to care about.

I have rescued abandoned dogs because I hate cruelty and I have tried to rehabilitate them in the physical and mental forms but there is a time now in my life that I'm depending on the others to help me to feed them.

For example, today I didn't have dog's food to feed them so I got the other things I had in my kitchen and made them a mixed food with human things untill I get some more minutes to count my coins to join them and have money to buy them a pack of 25kg of dog's food, and they spend more than 3 kg of food everyday and they don't eat the most expensive one, but the cheapest one.

To my "hapiness", the package food is costing right now R$ 30.00 when last week it was R$ 3.00 less.

I counted my coins and I found the exactly R$ 30.00 that I needed to buy only 1 package and it was what I did.

I know that ask isn't something good but if anyone can make a donation to me, even it's 1 cent, I would be so glad and thankful because the money is over and I don't want to have to lose them because in Rio de Janeiro, if you need the government's help for animals topics they have a solution, and the solution for them is to kill.

I want my dogs, I need them, and as I don't help only my dogs, all the donation will be redirectly to the ones who also need.

Thank you for your attention and time. If you can help, thank you so much and God bless you and give you the triple, but if you can't I wish you the same. Just pass this to more people because maybe someone can help me. Thank you again.

I'm writing because I need to put my feelings out. There are many things happening and I think the worse thing is that I can't work and I didn't have money to pay my university inscription this year and I lost it's time.

Well, I like studying but if I would do it I would depend on the others to stand me and I don't think it's something right. I don't know what I must do now, if you, who read it, have ideas for me, just tell me as a comment.

I'm disgusting

"You are the thing that disgust me most, and it day it takes you get worse!"

Days

My life is going well, just some normal daily things that happen usually that make me frustated but for everyone it's like this.

We are having plannings and I'm happy that we can keep dreaming or otherwise nothing would happen in our lives.

I received a call of a friend today and I was happy but I will wait for her visit and I have good news about Gordo, he is walking much better now since the last time that he had been in the veterinary for some days. Nowadays I'm taking him outside to the park every night where he walks and make his exercises inside what he can do with his body and it's great for him and for me too, to see that he is sleeping well because he walked a lot and it made him tired and also when he wakes up in the morning wanting to walk again inside home with his shoes, I love to see them like this. The bad part is that Bidu got the same bactery again in his feet and we are having to use a lot of medication again with him, but he is going to get better soon.

Lady Gaga - Alejandro

Why learn to forgive?

I have been asking myself why do I have to forgive the ones which hurt me?

It is so bad when someone hurt you and your hands are tied about what you can to solve the situation.

Nowadays the man who I used to call as "father" for me does not mean anything, because he did many wrong things in his past with us and our family, and as he said "I do not make part of this family anymore", so I killed him from some weeks ago because of my parents divorce paper.

I discovered that he really cheated us, but too much more than we have imagined. So, I killed him inside myself and now he is just someone else that I see sometimes.

He also gave us the horrible new that he will have a baby girl with his girlfriend.

But, resuming, he is a cheater, a lier and a bad one, deep from my heart I wish that he moves for too far way from here.

I need to sleep a little and I think I'm also needing a treatment but there is someone who needs me right now, my son Gordo, I have no time to write more words because I must leave. It's not my computer, but anyway, I don't have one....
Well, will try to write more later.

JUNIOR, I LOVE YOU. GOD BLESS YOU.

Junior: 20.07.2001
23.03.2010

My lovely, you were wonderful, there is nothing more I can say right now but I think I said all when you could listen to me, have your jumps and barks, but right now you are in a better place, with your mother that you couldn't stand even sleep without or far of her. I also miss her so much but I'm someone impotent near God, He decides the right moments and the best ways.

I know it doesn't work too much to be writting here but the memories of our times together will never be regreted or forgotten. You, darling, deserve everything of best wherever you are and while I was looking into your eyes in the time I was obligated to let you go to stop suffering I saw I was doing the right thing to be done.

Junior.... there are no more words to thank you all you have taught me throught all these years. I've learnt that sometimes we spend too much money to care about appearence, or about clothes or to make the people think we are good ones by outside, we study to get MONEY or a best future but couldn't we see during all this time that the real happiness is always inside our home? Inside of our hearts? Inside ones like you, and your mother, and the other that had made the passage. I wish I could have done more, have dedicated myself more, get angryless when I could smile and enjoy the moments wish really were important.

With the death and the life we learn many things and I'm glad that I won't regret a minute that you were here because even knowing that I could have done more I did my best while I could, untill the last moment. I just never wanted to let you suffer and now, love, go in peace and send my regards to the others that are also so unforgetable as you are. It needed time, but now I know which are the important things in life because we never know when the "right moment" is. Enjoy there. God bless you.

I LOVE YOU, JUNIOR, MY BIG BABY!

I had my Prom of University on 27th Feb.

Now, I'm looking for another university to study, I hope I get something.
Also reading: The Secret
Later I will read: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

I didn't buy my diary yet.

I thank my family for being beside me all this time. And tonight, a carnaval holiday, maybe my husband bring us a dinner of the Baghdad's restaurant with arabic food.

Bidu is getting better of his dermatic problems.

I'm also carring about Julia, the dog of a neighbor, Iolanda and I'm also carring this week about Billy, Adriana's dog, but I love them and their dogs, God bless all of them.

CONGRATULATIONS, JUNIOR! THANK YOU, RABIE!

I don't know how to thank, at first, God, for this chance, second, to Rabie, my husband, to give us conditions to make the Junior's surgery to take off a tumor.

Yesterday night, when Rabie came from work he told me "call the veterinary and ask then when they can make the surgery because I got the money to his surgery". My heart beated a lot and at the same minute I called then there and his doctor was just leaving and she asked how long we would take to be there and I said "15 minutes" and she said she would wait it and prepare everything to he goes directly to the operation room.

It was around 6:30pm when we left him there. In the night I called them and he was just asleep because of the anestesy but that he was fine. Today morning I called again to know if he had eaten something and if he was feeling fine, the doctor said he was fine and had eaten just few because it's normal but that he was happy and shaking his tail to everyone, she said that he is so lovely and in the afternoon we are going to visit him at the visit's time and then know - about good news - that his cancer was just there and that he doesn't need to do more than stay at home resting his heart of strong emotions but don't carring about the cancer.

THANK YOU, GOD!
THANK YOU, RABIE!
THANK YOU, GREAT VETERINARIES OF ALVORADA!
THANK YOU, JUNIOR, FOR HAVING THE CHANCE TO CAN COMPLETE 9 YEARS OF LIFE WITH US AGAIN, BECAUSE AFTER THAT YOU WILL HAVE MORE TIME AMONG US!
THANK YOU, UNIVERSE, TO COOPERATE TO EVERYTHING GOES FINE, THE SECRET.

What do these signals mean?

I'm a little lost about the things that are happening to us here. I don't know if we are going to move or if just one is going to move.

My animals are always problems but it's strange when someone goes against them and later ask your help for something acts like nothing had happened. Anyway, I can forgive her for the things she said in my grandmother's birthday on february 6th.

I also want to apologise to my husband because I told him I wouldn't do something to help him to get better of his alergy but as never in life we slept far from each other I thought it was better tell him the truth and don't hide anything as I always do and sleep beside him to he doesn't think that I was giving prefference to Gordo than him. Anyway, my love, I'm sorry, I know you won't read this but I'm saying all the truth as I told you this morning, I'm sorry again, and I won't repeat this but I hope you understand the next time, because instead of thinking for you I will ask your opinion, I just didn't want to bored you or wake you up knowing that you would have to wake up some hours later to go to work again. I love you, Rabie.

I need a mini personnal diary

Well, I have many things to say but they are from different dates and I will make a small resume but later, maybe, if I have time I'm going to explain one by one:
- I made 2 years of marriage and it was a great day at home and we enjoyed a lot even with few money.
- My christmas and new year parties were so fine, one of the best I had in 6 years.
- Unhapply after Laika's death Junior, her son, got depressed, just on the past sunday he had a heart stop and now he needs an operation to don't die but I don't have the money yet.
- About my wedding, I don't know how to explain how it's going on nowadays because there is a lack of communication between my husband and I.
- My mother adopted a small cat now called Min, and it's a female one, she is 1 month and half old only and someone killed her mother just when she was born.
- And after that I got another puppy, a female one with 3 months old because when I went in the sunday to take Junior to the veterinary I saw 2 men kicking her like a ball and I couldn't hold myself and went to defend her and quarrelled with the men and my mother did the same, after all this in the same day my car just left the accelerator cable out of the pedal but I fixed it in the street and we were back home.
- I'm making a treatment for a diet and I was weighting 90kg in december, now I'm about 76kg, but I want to get thinner.
- I also got braces since december.
- I made an entreview for a job in downtown yesterday because I've finished my university studies and my prom will be on february 27th.
- Gordo, my dog which was sick and had to be in the vet 3 days while Laika also died had stopped walking and now he is fine and he is walking again but because I didn't give up and tried to make exercises on him at home and Thanks God he is so fine again.
- About Rabie, he is alergic to everything and yesterday he went to the doctor to check his eyes because he is a little blind because of many reasons that I don't have to declarate here.
- My mother had to be umeployed because of many reasons but the good new is that she won the cause of her surgery made in december of 2008, and the government will have to pay these things that they didn't do.

And to end, I think I need a doctor to check my mind because I think I'm getting crazy. Anyway... It's life.