Monday, July 16, 2007

Yesterday night

" I'm writing this tonight. It's 11:51 p.m. and I just can't sleep. My mind is full of thoughts. I'm looking for something that I really don't know where to find it. I'm looking to have back the love of the one I love, but for this I must find his happiness.

I'm so thankful to he had find me in this life I'm not just sure that nowadays he feels the same. Our love was different. I thought he would keep loving me as before. I'm feeling hurt by simple things, by normal words. Why do I ask, so, if I know the answer? It's better keep quiet but be quiet qould mean be the few time I have with him in silence.

I just want my Rabie back. I only want to know my mistakes, my faults, my lacks with him. I see I'm being someone unstandable. I already thought if I'm being uglier (what's not hard to happen talking about me. I only don't want someone else, I want and need him. Everything is seeming to be in codes. i'm thinking all the time, I'm looking for the answers. When and where in all this did I lose him?

He is my only friend but how explain all this? Where will I get in this minimun world I'm living in? I really want to cry.

Will his sadness stop when we have the chance to meet? I know he loves me, I know he wants me, but how much long is it going to take if I can't make him happy soon?

"Guess, guess, guess, guess! Do not try to guess, remember facts!"

God, please, what is this? I know and I'm sure that many other people feel worse things than me in this world but it's the only way I know to make myself free my pains. I don't want that anyone feel pitty on me but what or who more are you going to take from me in such few time, God? I know I'm someone so wrong in this life, that everything is a punishment because of my wrong actions but when I think I can't stand more some new bad things coming over me they come in double. I know, God, that you don't give us a bigger pain that what we can stand but it's being hard. You could give me a good new like 'The ones you love know the love you feel for them', 'The ones who left know that even you mistaked you tried to make their lives as best as you could that never in your entire life you tried to do something to hurt them', or, 'The you are not distroing the life of the ones you love by your fool way'.

Even I know I will never know those answers or words I just wish today (it's 00:22 a.m. now) be better than yesterday and I wish to sleep oneday with the sure that I did my best with the ones around me. I wish today be really better. Se Deus quiser."

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